Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Things I Learned From My Patients


Real-world ER humor Emergency room black humor. Found posted by ER medical professionals on a message board at studentdoctor.net:


-If you're on the street corner selling coke and you see the cops coming to bust you don't eat all your coke.

-Always wait until finishing your woodwork with the skillsaw prior to using your meth.

-Don’t sit out on your front porch reading the bible and minding your own business at 2 AM unless you are praying to be shot

-No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra.

-Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto-bismol.

-If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first… and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina….

-If you are going to have a leg amputated in a car accident be very sure that the neighborhood dog is not lurking in the area…they tend to take what they can get.

-When cleaning a swimming pool with Muriatic acid, if you splash a large amount of it on your face and arms, vinegar is not a good neutralizing solution.

-After cutting your own throat with a box knife and missing all major vessels, it is a good idea to stand outside and have a smoke while awaiting the ambulance... the crew will likely get a good laugh out of watching the smoke pour out of your nearly-transected trachea!

-If you're an alcoholic and feel the craving, go into your grandmother's medicine cabinet that hasn't been cleaned out since before the second world war (and probably closer to the first) and drink an aromatic-smelling bottle labelled, "Oil of Wintergreen."

Click Here to read more at the Student Doctor forum...all great stuff...this is only a few of the ones I decided to post.

1 comment:

Arlene said...

LOL, fun stuff.

Click here for a funny Japanese girl and a polar bear...