Movies, The Way They Sould Have Been Written
You have to check out the-editing-room.com. This site is hilarious.
What they do is write a script parody of the original movie. Trust me, this is a brilliant site. They do what we all wish we could, make fun of movies and their stupid plot holes and ridiculous story elements.
The site has parody scripts for Star Wars, Van Helsing, Spider-man, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Matrix, and many more. Here are few examples:
From Lord of the Rings: The Fellow Ship of The Ring:
IAN MCKELLEN
Elijah, you must take this ring. It is the Ring of Power, forged by the evil Lord Sauron long ago. Travel to a far away land with your cohorts. I will meet you there and we will venture to Mount Doom to destroy the ring. You must arrive safely - the fate of Middle Earth depends on your success.
ELIJAH WOOD
Er..uh..I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to play some Nintendo.
IAN MCKELLEN
There's no time, Elijah! I must go find Christopher Lee and seek his guidance. Good luck, the fate of all life rests in your small, hairy hands.
ELIJAH WOOD
I.. uh..
IAN MCKELLEN
(bolting out the door)
Don't fuck up!
ELIJAH stares at the ring. As he does so, his face contorts to an expression of limitless fear. His eyes widen and his mouth gapes slightly open with shock and terror. This expression never leaves his face again - ever.
Elijah, you must take this ring. It is the Ring of Power, forged by the evil Lord Sauron long ago. Travel to a far away land with your cohorts. I will meet you there and we will venture to Mount Doom to destroy the ring. You must arrive safely - the fate of Middle Earth depends on your success.
ELIJAH WOOD
Er..uh..I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to play some Nintendo.
IAN MCKELLEN
There's no time, Elijah! I must go find Christopher Lee and seek his guidance. Good luck, the fate of all life rests in your small, hairy hands.
ELIJAH WOOD
I.. uh..
IAN MCKELLEN
(bolting out the door)
Don't fuck up!
ELIJAH stares at the ring. As he does so, his face contorts to an expression of limitless fear. His eyes widen and his mouth gapes slightly open with shock and terror. This expression never leaves his face again - ever.
From Star War Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:
HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
You know, I love you with all the love one can love a lover with.
NATALIE PORTMAN
Wow, that almost tops your 'wish' line from the last movie. Tell me again on the balcony while I brush my hair and look vaguely hideous.
You know, I love you with all the love one can love a lover with.
NATALIE PORTMAN
Wow, that almost tops your 'wish' line from the last movie. Tell me again on the balcony while I brush my hair and look vaguely hideous.
From The Matrix:Revolutions:
SUDDENLY, the ship crashes into the city somewhere. KEANU walks out and meets with A GIANT MACHINE WITH A FAT FACE CREATED BY HUNDREDS OF LITTLE FLYING MACHINES.
SILLY-LOOKING MACHINE
What the hell do you want?
KEANU REEVES
I just want this movie to have one more scene that actually takes place in the matrix before the trilogy ends. I will face Hugo Weaving and we'll beat up on each other.
SILLY-LOOKING MACHINE
Good. There's no way I, as the machine running this whole show, could ever just delete Hugo on my own. I need you to kill him in a simulated reality, that'll do the trick.
SILLY-LOOKING MACHINE
What the hell do you want?
KEANU REEVES
I just want this movie to have one more scene that actually takes place in the matrix before the trilogy ends. I will face Hugo Weaving and we'll beat up on each other.
SILLY-LOOKING MACHINE
Good. There's no way I, as the machine running this whole show, could ever just delete Hugo on my own. I need you to kill him in a simulated reality, that'll do the trick.
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