Newsie News 11/13

Pike Cast in New Star Trek Movie
Bruce Greenwood has been cast as Christopher Pike, the Starship Enterprise's first captain. For the major fans of the original series they know that Captain Pike was the captain of the Enterprise in the original pilot of Star Trek, but when the show was eventually approved (much later than expected) the actor playing him was unable to return for filming so Captain Kirk was created in his place. Pike later returned as the "first captain of Enterprise" in a special two-part episode.

Eragon Gets a Fourth Book
I don't know how many of you have enjoyed the Eragon books (Inheritance Trilogy) written by Christopher Paolini. He has only produced Eragon and Eldist and we have been waiting for the third book for about three years. Now, after the years of silence, in has been announced that the delay is due to the fact that now the Inheritance Trilogy is becoming a quartet. There are now going to be four books in the Inheritance Cycle with the third coming out September 23, 2008.

This is both great news and dismal news. The great news is that Paolini isn't going to cut the story and shorten the book in order to keep in a trilogy. The problem, if it's going to take him four years (in total) to release the third book, how much longer do we have to wait for the fourth book? Well, like most good books, I'll still be waiting for it if it takes 10 years, only I might not enjoy it as much as my future kids will by then.

Mark Wahlberg Cast as Max Payne
Yup, Mark Wahlberg (aka Marky Mark) will be playing the part of the movie adaptation of the popular Rockstar game Max Payne.

I have one word to describe this news... meh.

The game was okay, not great but not bad. Mark Wahlberg is a good actor who sometimes does crappy movies, but since I really enjoyed The Italian Job, I'll give this one a chance.

Scrubs Not Getting a Finale
Due to the WGA strike, the series finale for Scrubs has yet to be written and will thus not be shown until this strike is over. It looks quite likely that the episode will not be shown this season, but Bill Lawrence, creator of Scrubs, has promised that if NBC doesn't show it, he will get it to air on ABC.

This news is amongst many shows suffering due the strike. Heroes is going into reruns and The Office has completely stopped production, firing all it's hair dressers, set designers, etc.I am all for the strike but I do miss my shows. I just hope that Hollywood realizes soon how important writers are before we see hundreds of reality shows covering our tv screens.

Newsie News 10/25

J. K. Rowling Glad to Reveal that Dumbledore is Gay
Last week J. K. Rowling, the creative mind behind the popular Harry Potter books, revealed that Albus Dumbledore is gay. This revelation has shocked many people and has created a lot of buzz for the author. At another conference this week Rowling shared that very early into her writing of the books she already had the idea in her head that the beloved Headmaster was gay. She was glad to say that the whole thing was "freeing" and that one man even came out at Carnegie Hall after the announcement.

Honestly, I was worried this was nothing more then a publicity stunt but looking back on the books and looking more closely at Dumbledore, it becomes quite obvious. It even better explains the young Dumbledore's relationship with the dark wizard Grindelwald as apparently many fans have suspected.

The Dark Crystal Returns!!!
TokyoPop and The Jim Henson Company have decided to come together and make a prequel graphic novel to The Dark Crystal. The novel is titled Legends of The Dark Crystal: The Garthim Wars and TokyoPop has released the following description:
Lahr and Neffi are gentle and fun-loving Gelflings who want little more than to enjoy the simple pleasures of life and love. But when their villages are attacked and plundered by the violent Garthim, their worlds are turned upside down as they narrowly escape with their lives. Now, united against insurmountable odds, the two Gelflings must put aside their peaceful ways and emerge as heroes to lead a frightened neighboring village into something they never thought they’d face-war.

If you were a fan of the original movie, then I suggest you keep an eye out for this novel. And if you feel very kind, buy me a copy. Please and thank you!!

The Rock Drops Out of Spy Hunter
YEAH!!!! One less videogame made into a terrible movie. What? Did you want to know why he droped out? Who cares. I'm just glad he did because that is one giant nail in this movies coufin.

Newsie News 9/20

Star Trek Movie Casts Uhura
Zoe Saldana, most notabliy seen in the first Pirates of the Caribbean, has been cast as Lt. Uhura. So that brings the total of confirmed cast in key roles up to three with Anton Yelchin as Chekov and Zachary Quinto as Spock. That leaves the roles of Kirk, Scotty, McCoy, and Sulu up for grabs.

3 More Kingdom Hearts Coming
It was announced at the Tokyo Game Show that Square Enix is working on three new Kingdom heart titles. Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep for the PSP, Kingdom Hearts: Coded for cell phones and Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days co-op for the DS. Somehow I'm getting the impression they are trying to shove Kingdom Hearts down the throats of the consumers. Hope it works and by "hope" I mean "let" and by "works" I mean "die."

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Has Dual Mode on Wii
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, a new game coming to the Wii next spring will allow players to swing the Wii-mote like a light saber and use the nunchuk to unleash their Jedi powers. The game will also allow head-to-head action with friends. So essentially this game will allow all the Star Wars fans experience a geek-gasim as they get to fight as Force wielding Jedi. Sounds fun.

Ben 10 Movie Finishes Filming
Cartoon Network has announced that the filming has finished on the upcoming Ben 10 live action movie. The movie is based off of the popular scifi kids show Ben 10 which follows the adventures of a kid with a special devise that allows him to morph into aliens. The movie will feature Graham Phillips as Ben, Haley Ramm as his cousin Gwen, and Lee Majors as his grandfather Max. The movie is due out this November.
Via [TV Squad]

Newsie News 5/17

Captain America Arrested With Burrito In Pants
Well, everyone knows that the real Captain America was shot dead after him and some other superheroes started a Civil War that caused havoc around the country. But apparently Dr. Raymond Adamcik has decided to wear a Captain America costume well "getting too forward with a burrito he kept tucked inside his blue tights." The man was arrested for "battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence." Nothing says American justice like a doctor in a Captain America costume drugged out and gropping women.
Via [Fark]

America Says No to Canadian Hippie
Okay, I'm kidding about the hippie thing but Andrew Feldmar is a Vancouver psychotherapist that used LSD in 1967 for research purposes. So, naturally that means he is a lifetime druggie and must not be allowed into America. I love American logic... isn't is so wonderfully stupid?
Via [Boing Boing]

Heroes: Origins, Summer Miniseries
Apparently, Monday isn't the end of the Heroes season. There will be six episodes of "Heroes:Origins" which will focus on other people with powers whom we haven't meet yet. I'm glad to hear this because it gives me something to enjoy during the summer well I wait for the fall season to start back up again. That, and I can't wait to see what new powers there will be.

Bush Bans Cell Phone Calls Well in Sydney
While in Sydney, Austrailia, George W. Bush will be followed by a helicopter that will jam cellular signals. This makes sense of course. It means that Mr. President gets everybody full and undivided attention. You know, because everything he says is just that important. What a dork. Yes, I know it's for safety reasons but I consider it way to extreme in the whole "safety precaution" sector. And people wonder why other countries feel America likes to police the world.
Via [Slash Dot]

Newsie News 4/18

Man Has Arm Bitten Off By Crocodile... Then Gets It Reattached
I think the pictures speak for themselves. Look at all that severed arm goodness.

Via [My Extra Life]

Jack Thompson Blames Videogames for Virginia Tech Shooting
You know what is really sad. The guy is now calling himself an "expert on school shootings." What a complete jerk. Yes, blame videogames for violence because there is absolutely no violence on tv, in the movies, on the news, and definitely not in our history. I would say something really mean right now but I know if I did this page would be sanctioned with foul language and an overuse of the word "anal penetration."
[Video of Thompson's Interview about Virgina Tech]

Site Recreates Popular Video Game Swords
Yes I put this after the Jack Thompson article on purpose. Check out these cool swords from Final Fantasy, Zelda, Kingdom Hearts, and more. And if you really love me you will buy me one. ;-)
Via [The Last Boss]

Dead Like Me Movie?
Normally I don't do 'themes' with my Newsie News but this one seems to be all about death, violence, and guys who should be dead (yes, I said it). So, in interesting news there is a possible Dead Like Me movie coming out. The show has become quite popular in syndication after the show was long cancelled (hmm.. reminds me of another show that got canceled and turned into a movie). I say... "Go For It." This could start making studios realized that just because they don't think a show is great doesn't mean it isn't. Give them more chances. Give them a chance to live... so to speak.
Via [Film Junk]

Newsie News 3/19

Bob Spongee Creater Sues Sponge Bob
If this guy wins this lawsuit he will be able to wipe his butt with $100 bills. Which is why I want to say I've always loved your comic and I read it regularly and have been waiting for you to claim your rightfully throne oh great one.
Via [My Extra Life]

Woman Grows Third Nipple On Her Foot
So... um. When it's cold outside does she get taller?
Via [Gorilla Mask]

A Sequel to 300?
No, don't worry. They aren't going to be making "300 2: The Resurrection." They are talking about making another movie about a different Greek history mythical tale. The interesting part is that Frank Miller is so possible going to also write this one as well so it might actually be something to look forward to. Then again... that's what I thought about the Matrix and look how well that turned out.
Via [The Movie Blog]


ABC Making Geico Caveman Show
This is scary. Doing this might encourage other "commercial" mascots to get their own television shows. It's bad enough that the perverted and creepy "Burger King" gets his own video game... could you imagine if they gave him his own detective tv show. Or how about the Verizon "Can you hear me now?" guy. I would be scared to watch him with a game show....the contestants would have to repeat themselves like twenty times. Or what about Jared from Subway...the next Crocodile Hunter???...."Now what we have here is a rare, double pickles BTL. Let's see what happens when the little fella tries to mate with a Meatball Sub."
Via [Gorilla Mask]

Newsie News 3/9

NBC Needs To Pay Closer Attention
With so much information online it is so much easier to just do a Google search for a picture rather than actually taking one or editing one yourself. Over at NBC they decided to just that and found a really nice picture. The only problem was that the picture was used on tv, and the picture had an interesting message that they didn't notice. Look closely at the picture to the left (or click on it to enlarge) and enjoy the fact that once again.. the news proves how stupid they really are.
Via [Gorilla Mask]

COMMODORE COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT?
Appearently the trend of bringing back old tv shows and new movies has given Commodore Gaming the idea that now is the time to bring back Commodore computers. In an announcement the CEO of the company stated that they are "excited to bring the Commodore brand back to the gaming community and mark a new chapter in its history." I'm curious to see what they come up with when they show off their computer at the CeBIT show in Germany on March 15th. This could either mean we are getting back a famous gaming computer now brought up to meet a growing market, or it could mean we are getting an equivelnt to the "Dukes of Hazzard" movie.
Via [The Last Boss]

Newsie News 2/6

Crazed Astronaut Charged With Murder Attempt
Lisa Marie Nowak, a 43 old woman who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight was charged with attempted murder. She reportedly followed and attempted to kidnap and murder a woman who "had also been seeing the astronaut Nowak pined for. Someone doing something crazy for love is getting less and less weird to me (too many weirdos out there). But she is an astronaut. The kind of person that kids want to grow and be. It's very sad when we are sending crazy people into space especially because I thought they were suppose to give these people psychological testing. I guess Bush made the standards on those test too.

Via [Boing Boing]

University Celebrates Martin Luthur King Day with Fried Chicken and Mault Liquar
At Tarleton State University you know your at a party full of idiots when they celebrate Martin Luthur King Day by dressing up like gang members, eating fried chicken, and throwing back mault liquor all night long. Who would do this? The obvious answer is the correct one. A member of a fraternity... the smartest people on earth. Just ask the guys from Borat.
Via [Fark]

Casino Offers Man 2 Free Meal Comps Instead of $102,000
A casino in Bensalem, Pa accidently told a guy he won just over a hundred grand, then when they realized it was a computer glitch they promised him two free meal instead. I think the proper words here are "FUCKING BASTARDS!!!"
Via [Fark]

The 2007 Superbowl Commercials Sucked!!!
Now this isn't a link to a news article... it links to the ads. The game was pretty good (for the first half), but the commercials were terrible. I remember when I used to love watching the Superbowl just because that is when you actually WANTED to see the commercials. These were funny, entertaining, creative, and just plain memorable commercials... but not this year. I honestly didn't laugh at one of them. None of them peaked my interest with a unique joke, oddly creative characters, or memorable moments. They were all just plain terrible.
Via [ My Opinion... deal with it]

Newsie News 1/31

Wii Remote Prototypes
These are the prototypes for the Wii-mote that Nintendo thought about going with. The one of the far left is obviously the last one they came up with before the current Wii-mote.

SCIENTISTS CURE CANCER???....
...but since it's cheap, easy to make, and unpatented no one takes notice. It's not a full cure and will take a little more research but still, basically no drug company cares because they can't make money off of it. Nice right? Glad to know that lives are always important to these guys... assholes.
Via [My Extra Life]

WoW Player Nearing Goal of Getting Every Pet In the Game
A fanatic pet-loving World of Warcraft player is nearing her goal of getting every pet in the game. These are the pets that are either given to you through quests, via drops (items dropped by monsters killed in game), or purchasing if from NPC (non-playable characters). She has made a great list of the ones she has and how to obtain them so you too can.. dare I say it... Catch Them All!!
Via [My Extra Life]

Reporter Upset That Vegas is Sinful
During the CES show a couple weeks ago, a Fox reporter came down to Las Vegas and was SHOCKED that a place nicknamed Sin City... was...well.. sinful. The douchbag actually tittles the article "GRRR! God's Gonna Cut You Down." Talk about a "hollier than thou" attitude. I think think this guy need to go back home and keep watching the Wiggles for the rest of his life so that he isn't subject to the "big bad world" out there.
Via [Fark]

Newsie News 1/24

New "Workdesk" For People too Fat Laxy Busy to Get Out of Bed
Yes, the Ergopod 500 comes with motorized legs, powerstrip, keyboard tray, and a zero-gravity recliner...life not included.
Via [Boing Boing]

Driver Fined For Honking Horn
The driver was fined for honking his horn at an idiot pedestrian who WALKED INTO THE STREET well on a cell phone. The cop who gave him the ticket said, "The horn is a courtesy rather than an insult. Used unnecessarily it could alarm other drivers and increase the risk of an accident by distracting them." Yeah... because walking into the street doesn't cause accidents.
Via [Fark]

Lawyer Sends Threats to Five Men To Pay Child Support...Just Because They Have the Same Name
In a blatent case of stupidity, five men received letters threating them to pay child support or pay &550 dollars in child support to prove they aren't. This makes perfect sence since one of them was 3 when the child was born, one is impotant, and one that is 79. I just love when a lawyer looks at a phonebook, sees 5 guys with the name they are looking for and say "Fuck it. Let's accuse them all of being the daddy."
Via [Fark]

65 Percent of Americans Spend More Time with Their Computer than Their Spouse
Its a case of sad but true. Then again I have seem of the women some guys marry and I completly understand.
Via [Slashdot]

Newsie News 1/15

Hard Core Gamer Selling Classic Nintendo Purse
Over on Ebay a gamer is selling a purse made out of an Nintendo Game System. I have to say this is pretty cool and creative. I love the "phone" and "lighter" compartments.

Substitute Teacher Convicted of Endangering Minors With Porn
A 40 year old female substitute teacher was convicted on "four counts of risk of injury to a minor" because she had porn on her computer. She claims the porn were from pop-ups that she was unable to get rid of before students saw. The article doesn't do a great job of sharing all the details, but I tend to believe her. A 40 year old woman usually has trouble with computers and wouldn't know how to delete the spam... then again she could always just be an old perv.
Via [Boing Boing]

Stephen Hawking Is Going Into Space
In an interview Stephen Hawking (or "That really smart guy in a wheelchair" as known by less intelligent people) reveled that he is looking forward to a space flight.

A zero gravity flight is what astronauts call the "vomit comet", in which an aeroplane flies in such a way that people inside are temporarily weightless....

...Prof Hawking's next step towards the cosmos then depends on the Virgin Galactic space tourism plans of Sir Richard Branson, whose SpaceShipTwo will carry six passengers into orbit from 2008.

The craft will be launched at 50,000ft from a mothership and soar into space at around 360,000ft, reaching a speed of 2,500mph — more than three times the speed of sound.

All I can say to him is have fun and watch out for blackholes. I hear they don't like him after he exposed some information they told him in private.
Via [Boing Boing]

Denver Making Woman Pay for Not Cleaning Sidewalk They Covered With Snow
In a typical case of "idiot government in action" the city of Denver is fining a homeowner for not cleaning her sidewalk. The most annoying part is that the sidewalk was clean until the city sent street plows through her street and pushed snow onto it. Even more annoying they are only fining her and none of the other people on her street. Isn't bureaucracy great? Dumb asses.
Via [Fark]

Newsie News 1/10

Couple Sees "Jesus" in Their Shower
This would actually less interesting if they claimed to actually Jesus in the shower, but no. They see the NAME Jesus in tile surrounding their shower. When asked if they will allow public viewing of the "holy" tile they said "If we decide it could benefit other people, we might do it." Yup, because a tile with the name of Jesus on it will save the world from Satan and turn all DVDs into "The Passion of the Christ."
Via [Fark]

Man Upset Because Cops Won't Return his 114 Dead Cats
A crazy old coot from Tennessee is suing the police for taking and destroying his 114 frozen dead cats. The human oddity is suing for 1.5 million dollars. I only hope he loses the case or people might start turning frozen dead cat collectioning into a popular hobby.
Via [Fark]

A Security Terminal Is Hacked to Play Tetris
Two men have hacked a Chip & PIN terminal, replaced some of the inner electronics, and have programmed it to now play tetris. This is pretty funny consisdering the devise is sopose to be "tamper resistant." Their next project should be to make a number pad on a security vault play "Funky Town."
Via [Boing Boing]

Newsie News 11/9

Bob Barker is Leaving the Price is Right
If you don't know who Bob Barker is, if you aren't sad to see him go, if you don't even know what Price is Right is...then your either someone who lives under a rock or a terrorist. Actually, those are the same thing. So then you're a terrorist...place call the police and report yourself.

Three Girls Get in Trouble at School For Dressing up as "Captain Underpants"
Three highshool girls dressed up in just boys underwear and that is wrong how? I know a lot of teen boys that would love to see that... okay, I know EVERY TEEN boy would love to see that and most old men pay to see that.

Judge lets Asian man go because "All Chinese can look the same"
Yup. Some Scottish judge let a guy off because he was Asian and could have been mistaken for any asian person. I wonder if that goes for for black people. After all, at night they all look the same to me.

Sexsomniacs-People Who Have Sex well They Sleep
Once frat boys learn of this, they will have a new excuse for rape. "No officer, it was consensual. She is a sexomniac... she loves to have sex well passed out."

Newsie News 10/13

Extreme Ironing
These guys have taken a chore once dreaded by all men and turned into a sport so they no longer look like pansies because they are good at ironing. Well, I still call them pansies because what are they going to do to me? Hit me with their ironing board?



Roofer Nails his Testicle
A guy slips, falls, and accidental nails testicles to the roof. That makes it conclusive, no nail guns for me. I would rather hit my thumb with my hammer once in a while then put a nail through MY NUTS once in a lifetime.
Via[Fark]

The Extinction of the Lawn Pink Flamingos is Upon Us
The company that makes the infamous lawn decorative pink flamings has shut down. lawn gnomes are now number one on the list of "The Gayest Thing You Can Have on Your Lawn."
Via[Boing Boing]

The Worst Playable Character on Madden '07 Writes Angry Letter
This is pretty funny. I would be pretty pissed to if I was the worst character that you could play in ANY video game... let alone one that chronicles my career.
Via[Gorilla Mask]