Monday, May 14, 2007

Lessons from Spider-man 3

The Cinemattic posted a funny article about the life lessons learned from the third Spider-man movie.


1. EMOs are a product of alien symbiosis

2. If you find yourself running from the law, no problem! Just hop over the gate that says ‘DANGER! Particle Physics Experiment in progress’ and you’re in the clear.

3. If your girlfriend is hanging from the roof of a demolished skyscraper, never fear. Nonchalantly take some pictures and introduce yourself to her father, who also doesn’t seem to give a shit.

4. Flipping pancakes and listening to vintage dance songs will only lead to adultery.

5. Black is the new red. And alien goo is the new cotton.

6. If you ever find yourself battling a giant sand person and a jagged-toothed photographer alongside your best friend who just tried to kill you, be sure that you and him exchange ‘witty’ banter at every opportunity. “I’m a little busy over here, buddy.” “I’d love to help you, but I’ve got my hands full, buddy” and so on.

7. If you want to kill someone real bad, then go to church and pray and maybe, if you’re lucky, God will provide you with an alien suit made of pure evil.

8. Sufferers of amnesia just can’t help smiling ridiculously and eating ice-cream. Oh life is good when you can’t remember anything.

9. Bad boys eat cookies, drink milk and mimic their lecturers down the phone in a hilarious manner.

10. Is your girlfriend feeling down? No problem, make her feel better by passionately upside-down kissing some really hot chick in front of her.

For many people the movie was a complete let down, but the ability to point out what made it so bad (and so funny) in the list above make the movie a still enjoyable experience. Yes "Emo Spider-man" was nothing but a joke but it was damn funny one. And to prove that the movie isn't as bad as people say it is I made a nice list of 10 ways the movie could have been worse.

The Top 10 Ways They Could Have Made Spider-man 3 Worse...

10. Good Charlotte makes a cameo as Black Spider-man's group of emo friends.

9. Peter Parker and Mary Jane ride off into the sunset on a horse named Seabiscuit.

8. Spider-man Vs. Terrorism!!!!

7. At the end Harry Osborne wakes up to realize it was all a bad dream.

6.Mary Jane Watson becomes Spider-woman

5. Michigan J. Frog joins Peter for the dance sequence.

4. The entire cast talks after sucking on helium balloons.

3. Jack Black and Sarah Michelle Geller actually replace Toby Maguire and Kristen Dunst.

2. We learn Peter Parker and Mary Jane are uncle and niece???

And the number 1 way to make Spider-man 3 worse....
Ben Parker really killed by.... Aunt May!?!?!?!

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